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| read. What follows are parts 1 and 2 of a 3-part series entitled "8 is Never Enough." The articles originally appeared in Pallet Nail Weekly and were reprinted by Focus on the Family in their crusade against "the excesses of the rock and roll lifestyle." Efforts are being made to locate part 3 of the series. 8 is Never Enough The history of the Standing 8s stretches back over 35 years, back through the years of bus and rail tours, back through the years of playing behind the Iron Curtain, back through the visits to rehab clinics and the countless therapy sessions; the history of the 8s begins humbly, in a kitchen in a diner off of Highway 31, in a small community just north of the Indiana/Kentucky border. Part I -- Unlikely Path to Fame and Fortune It was in this kitchen of Monroe's Highway Oasis that our two principle characters met, two lowly dishwashers whose shifts overlapped for the dinner rush. Michelle and Merrill regularly ate bits of leftover food off of customers' plates for their own dinner, and once they each had some food in their bellies, they would often relax enough to speak about their lives; one day, they hatched a plan to have a life beyond, as they each referred to it, "This awful oppressive backwards redneck hellhole." While their initial plan involved a year or two of hard work, saving, and rehearsing performances in order to be able to get out of the kitchen and onto stages in the big city to the north, all of their plans were thrown out the window when, in a rage brought on by a speed overdose, Michelle set fire to the Oasis and set in motion a multi-state chase which quickly escalated into Merrill and Michelle's first U.S. tour. They performed not as the Standing 8s -- the Standing Eight count would not be instituted in boxing for another 18 years -- but as the Horny Monkeys, a name which combined Merrill's love of brass instruments with Michelle's love of simians. By their second tour, the duo had purchased a home in the mountains of Colorado and come to their senses about the band name, now touring as The Merrill and Michelle Revue. While under the influence of several narcotics, Michelle and Merrill also decided to adopt unwanted babies from around the world and raise them, along with an assortment of geographically unsuitable animals, on their mountain ranch. The days of success had begun for the pair, and the sky was the limit. Much like Icarus in his dizzying flight, though, the duo was destined to fall back to earth.
Part II -- Never Try Shooting an Apple Off of Your Child's Head 1974 saw a new name change and the release of the duo's first album as Raspberry Skyrocket. The album, Dust on the Mirror, did little to quell rumors of rampant drug use at the Colorado estate, especially with songs such as the angry and illogical Which One of You Children Ate My Shoes, or with Michelle's meandering 11-minute ballad Tasting the Rings of Saturn on my Star-Pony-Sunbeam. By this time, Merrill and Michelle had become common-law husband-and-wife, and they marked the transition with a pagan union ceremony in an Oregon forest and a Life Magazine series of nude photos of themselves and their six adopted children curled up in bed, each child being made to hold anti-war signs while the couple appeared to suckle at the teat of a bizarre effigy of some sort of cross between Richard Nixon wearing Mickey Mouse ears and a canine version of Patricia Krenwinkle of Manson Family fame. The photos so outraged the nation that all copies of the magazine and all of the photo negatives were destroyed in a ceremony during the seventh-inning stretch of a White Sox game at Chicago's Comiskey Park. After the nude family photos, Colorado authorities opened a child welfare investigation which focused on the environment in which Michelle and Merrill were raising their children. In spite of all of the bad publicity, the pair grew as cultural icons, eventually landing a TV deal with NBC to host a live variety/musical hour, The Raspberry Skyrocket Family Fun Show. After much hype and anticipation, the show was canceled twenty minutes into its debut broadcast when, angry and confused, Michelle and Merrill nearly took the life of a stagehand. The incident has gone down in history as the "William Tell Affair": while acting out a sketch in which Merrill was to shoot an apple off of the head of their eldest son, Duc Tho, by bow and arrow, Michelle, in a typical drug-fueled jealous rampage, hit Merrill on the base of the skull with a brick of hashish as he dizzily tried to aim the arrow just above his son. The impact of the blow left Merrill unconscious and bleeding from the head, and the arrow pierced the shoulder of a teamster who was busy removing the walnut topping from Merrill's post-broadcast marijuana brownies. Michelle's comments upon being arrested further confused matters, as she continually asserted her innocence and claimed that she had "some very interesting information" about "a certain broadcast news anchor" and a "torrid affair" he had been carrying on with a "bottle of syrup." Needless to say, the fact that most of this occurred on live national TV made it rather easy for the Department of Child Services of the State of Colorado to remove all six children from Merrill and Michelle's care. Duc Tho, Carsten, Shinjo, Selena, Martina, and Jean-Pierre were all placed in protective custody, not to see their adoptive parents again until the infamous and regrettable "On the Wagon Comeback Special" in 1984 when it became painfully obvious that neither Merrill nor Michelle had substantially changed their habits during their court-enforced decade apart. Coming Soon - Part III |
merrill
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