So this catalog came to our house today, a really really low-rent version of Sky Mall called “Home Trends.” Not to put too fine a point on it, but this is an utter waste of paper. I imagine they only use trees which were old and sick to make this catalog — gotta thin out the herd.
Anyway, at Home Trends they have discovered the CFL, and they don’t realize you can get them for less than 5 bucks a pop these days (2 for $16 — the light bulb of the future!). They also highly recommend covering your refrigerator in a sort of contact-paper version of tinfoil as an “instant, affordable update” to give you “‘Stainless Steel’ Without the Price.” A prop to lean against your door — kind of like wedging a chair under the knob to keep the cops out — makes electronic dog barking sounds if anyone pushes on the door.
My very favorite item, though, is on page 42. It helps you avoid identity theft! Shred documents any time, any place! Portable and easy-to-use! It’s a nonelectric personal portable manual paper shredder:
Good stuff
I think a good name would also be the Amish Paper Shredder. Anyway, as you can see in the photo (click it to see the full ad), it’s basically — no, not basically; entirely — a pair of scissors with 4 pairs of blades. Portable! Easier to use than paper “shredders which jam easily!” Use either right or left hand! Just carry it in your purse! Only 12 dollars!
The copywriter for this catalog deserves some sort of award for coming up with things to say about all of this junk.