And what’s up with LSU and Notre Dame getting the most ridiculous calls in their favor to enable them to win games? All of the “birthers” should put their conspiracy theory energy into that.

Jimmy Clausen should change his name to Jimmy “F**king” Clausen. Not because he’s awesome, but because that’s clearly what he thinks when he thinks of his name.

OK, that covers all of my negative energy.

Anyway, at Home Trends they have discovered the CFL, and they don’t realize you can get them for less than 5 bucks a pop these days (2 for $16 — the light bulb of the future!).  They also highly recommend covering your refrigerator in a sort of contact-paper version of tinfoil as an “instant, affordable update” to give you “‘Stainless Steel’ Without the Price.”  A prop to lean against your door — kind of like wedging a chair under the knob to keep the cops out — makes electronic dog barking sounds if anyone pushes on the door.

My very favorite item, though, is on page 42.  It helps you avoid identity theft!  Shred documents any time, any place!  Portable and easy-to-use!  It’s a nonelectric personal portable manual paper shredder:

Good stuff

I think a good name would also be the Amish Paper Shredder.  Anyway, as you can see in the photo (click it to see the full ad), it’s basically — no, not basically; entirely — a pair of scissors with 4 pairs of blades.  Portable!  Easier to use than paper “shredders which jam easily!”  Use either right or left hand!  Just carry it in your purse! Only 12 dollars!

The copywriter for this catalog deserves some sort of award for coming up with things to say about all of this junk.

Now I live in California, so maybe I’ll get a kick out of the skewering he gives his main characters in his new show.  While the connection was there for Hank, Peggy, Bobby and even “Rusty Shackleford” himself on Hill, there is not an ounce of love between Judge and The Goode Family. We watched the first episode the other night, and we didn’t even make it all the way through.

And this is what has been happening lately, it seems, when “entertainment” pieces are written to make a political point. Nobody bothers to make the characters the least bit sympathetic. I am someone who finds people trying to raise vegan dogs hilarious — it’s so unnatural that it’s ridiculous on its face, projecting human social distinctions and moral judgments onto an animal that understands little more from us than the sound we make when we want to see him — but somehow, the bitterness made even these jokes fall flat.

Oh, well.  When everybody says the show failed because people were against right-wing humor, they’ll be wrong.  It will fail because it is mean and shallow, and we all want to care about the characters.  For this to succeed, the writers would have to try to find common ground with the people they’re trying to make fun of… but that can be dangerous.  Because what if they end up liking some of those people?

Yes. Not only can he read, but he can discern opinion pieces from news, which actually puts him on a tier just above the rest of us. Good dog!

A friend had mentioned to me recently that a family member was getting a breast augmentation, and did I know of any good informative websites. The absolute top site I have seen in this category — breast augmentation information and surgeon finder — is Breast Implants USA. They visited the site, contacted a doctor and now are good to go.

After their experiences, they say that they highly recommend the site, as well as sites like WebMD.

This is not a person who lacks experience or judgment, and I hope anyone who comes across the ridiculous emails purporting to be about him will delete those emails, will look past the blatant falsehoods and will see in this candidate someone who can elevate our public discourse above the current pollution and into clearer air.

And about those emails: if you believe any of them, do you really think, even for a moment, that a person who would represent any sort of threat to our government would get past all the government vetting, would be allowed to serve in our Senate and would receive the Secret Service protection he’s getting? The stories are ridiculous. Let them go.

If nothing else, I see in Obama an opportunity for a new direction in our public discourse, and I’d love for everyone to have the opportunity to vote about *that* rather than about what a former President is shouting or about imaginary nut-job ramblings (occasionally, these categories overlap).

Imagine if we really ended up with a choice between two good candidates later this year and had to choose not for the lesser of two evils but got to vote FOR somebody. (In this scenario, it’s Obama and McCain.) This time, if we can shut out the noise and distractions, we may actually have that opportunity.

Well, there was that stretch of a few months when I was 21 that I decided to stop wearing contacts, and for my 22nd birthday Matt and I went out and I decided that maybe I should celebrate my birthday with “natural vision.”

This was a disaster. At one point, I was driving my car while Matt was navigating (since I couldn’t see).  He would’ve driven except he’d had a couple of drinks before me, so the idea was that I would drive us to the Chukker.  So he told me when to go faster, slow down, turn… except at one point, he thought I saw a row of parked cars.  Having perfect vision, Matt didn’t comprehend just how bad my vision was.  At the last second, he yelled and I pulled the wheel to the right, and we decided that this was perhaps the stupidest thing we’d ever done.  He was sober in seconds!

So anyway, 20 years of contacts.  I believe it is getting to be time to take care of this once and for all.  My friend Simon just recently got the LASIK surgery, and I’ve been looking into it.  There are a couple of surgeons I’ve looked at — Dr. Mark Schneider of Orange County and Dr. Robert Maloney of Los Angeles — and I’ve been keeping up with some blogs.

From the Eye Surgery USA blog, I learned:

LASIK is an acronym for Laser-Assisted In Situ Keratomileusis and is a procedure that permanently changes the shape of the cornea, the clear covering of the front of the eye, using an excimer laser. A knife, called a microkeratome, is used to cut a flap in the cornea. The flap is folded back revealing the stroma or the middle section of the cornea. Pulses from a computer-controlled laser cut a portion of the stroma and the flap of the cornea is replaced. There are other techniques related to LASIK, some that do not involve cutting.

Read the entire post here. Also on the blog are posts about Custom or Wavefront LASIK and links to testimonials and more. The site is really handy, and I say check it out, and let me know if you have any experience because I am looking for advice.

Sadly, not to be. Instead, it’s all up to the Giants to fulfill the dreams of the 1972 Dolphins, who are the only people who care about the 1972 Dolphins.

As usual, a good roundup can be found at the Fantasy Football site… actually, it’s not very good, but what else do you need to know?  Isn’t the main point of this national holiday to sell HDTVs and boost the economy?

Wait — isn’t that the point of all holidays now?

In any case, this year I’m taking Bud Light over Bud by a safety.

Secondly, OfficialFantasyFootballNews.com has a great new article for anyone looking to land a surprise pick or two. There may be some surprises this year out of Green Bay and their Big D and from a certain backup in Kansas City.

Go take a look at the latest football news and commentary.